you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
