She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
