when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
