put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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