I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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