I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am midnight drunk by noon
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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