You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
