dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
