the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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