I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
