Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Non-Jews are for practice
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
