we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
