Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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