and you said cock pushups were impossible
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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