Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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