I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
