sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
