I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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