the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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