My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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