But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
