Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
