i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
