dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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