I think I am morally bankrupt
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
