my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
