i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
