New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
