Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
