Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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