Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
