If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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