Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
