Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
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It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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