Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
