Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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