When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
