I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Green mimosas i think yes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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