That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
