i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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