Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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