They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
