Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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