I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
