Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
