the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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