all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
my poor anus
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
