dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
