I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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