You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
