Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Someone shattered a urinal.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
