just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
