I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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