1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
