a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you never un-have a 4some
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
