sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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