are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
