there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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