I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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