She is in my trunk
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
