Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
