I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
