why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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