the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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