Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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