I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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